Steps to Coaching Success

Read many coaching books which explain coaching process, what it takes to be successful and others. These explanations sum up to simple yet difficult points 1) set unadulterated goal 2) get resources to get it done 3) track the progress. These three steps are absolutely important if one were to be successful in any endeavor. Clearly, it's a lot more difficult done than said. First we all suffer goal conflicts which dilute the attention to attain the goals. How we weigh what is more important than others? Second, goal conflict also takes away resources that may need to achieve the results. We all have limited time, money , connections that need to get job done. Unadulterated goal is more a myth than reality when it's weighted against the complexity of life and different roles we wear as individual, father, student, husband, boss, subordinate etc.... Final, tracking the progress, it's by far the most important but often being ignored. Without tracking the progress, we don;t know how we are doing whether we are off and how far from the target. In coaching that how we measure the success of coaching process whether it's worth paying for the services. Any one of three essences that constitutes successful coaching is a must for a coach to grasp.

What did we learn?

One of the most often heard comments from parents is their kids are nailed to the seats for computer games or appear doing something that parents are not comfortable in front of the computer (when asked what they are not comfortable about, parents couldn't name any specific). The debate over the usage of computer by our kids is long and acrimonious. Experts have loads of advices helping parents what can and can't be done in order to regulate the usage of kid's computer time. Not only these experts dispute how kid's computer time should be regulated, they also dispute the time kids are allowed to use the computer. Parents are given the plethora of methods which offer a solution that you could follow particular experts' tenets and no other. I just wonder by regulating the activities that prevent kids to receive information that is not right for them, would there be a better way for parents just to be a part of kid's world and find out what they are actually receiving, and then share with them in whatever form that helps to keep the dialogue going.

Almost lost my life

It was spectacular moment that I wasn't prepared to face. I came into contest with other runners in a 65-kilo run around Hong Kong Island yesterday. The run started at 6am in the morning. It took me 9 hours to complete it. Although it was cool at first but heat start swelling up. By the time it reaches 12 noon. the heat was unbearable and my body was overcome by heat, start feeling chill up to my spine, at which time I knew I might have suffered a heat stroke. I slowed and stayed motionless for 15 minutes under the shade and saw all runner passed me by. At that time I completed only 45 kilometers with 20 to go. With determination that I wasn't prepared to give up by entered into the race as a senior age over 50, I intended to complete it regardless of time. I continued working on my pace and started regain some of lost energy. Timing on my first leg which was 3 hours for the first 35 kilometers was a lot faster than my second leg which took me almost 6 hours to complete. It's a horrific experience as if death just passed me by. The momentary lost of sense in front of my eyes which I've never experienced prompted me to think whether I was making a right decision to continue the race. I was thinking if I would have dropped out at that moment when I felt ill, I might have felt more responsive as a husband and father

I Have A Dream

Beyond Martin Luther King's famous dream about America, we all have a dream. My dream is when my book co-authored with Bonnie and Selene “ParentCoach”got published in November 2005 which dedicated to parent-child relationship, I dream of families, schools and communities where parents can reflect, learn from experiences, and modify practices by adapting ParentCoach's concept.As a ParentCoach, I’d like to build my family as an interdependent learning unit in which all members in my family are continually seeking ways to trust, solve problems and learn together. I hope my idea of “future family” can become a sort of family culture in Hong Kong and China.I also envision a time in which parents become increasingly adept at effective harmonious living with their kids, achieving personal potential while be good models for their kids. I see a world in which many parents have coaching skill and in which ParentCoach strives toward personal state of excellence and help their kids to grow toward harmonious expression of living together.For this current population of 1.3 billion souls in China including Hong Kong, the global economy works only for minority of its population. The Majority of Chinese people will be left out, joining those who will be born poorer in other places. I dream better parents who constantly create condition or influence their kids about the world in which all can grow and prosper together. If parents choose, they can become ParentCoaches. I envision a more actualized, harmonious world that values work as well as family life, thus giving a brighter future for our children.

Tips being effective parents

Reread parental books in preparation for my thesis. Messages being effective parents keep appear in texts, which could be summarized as follows:1. Talking friendly with kids - Sound of autocratic and dictatorial parents becomes more and more things of the past. Friendly voice tends to cultivate better communication with children particularly to tweens. As long as maintaining dialogue with kids, we stand better chance to communicate our feeling, thoughts and actions. Friendliness does play a key role in parenting nowadays.2. Be both firm and kind - When parents decide upon a course of action. They must not vacillate and they must remember to be friendly, non-judgmental and matter-of -fact when applying consequences.3. Keep your cool - Kids often try to control by getting your attention by tempting various acts to upset you. In other words, they have your buttons and they know when to push them. Responding with anger only fuel heated situation that could spring beyond parent's control. The parent stands better chance of succeeding with his child by remaining cool and matter-of-fact attitude.4. Utilize encouragements - Parents can encourage children by recognizing effort and contribution not on results. Too focus on results will discourage children because there are often better results ahead. The non-stop chasing of finer results is primary cause of discouragement for most children, resulting kids from stop trying. Encouragement should be given even the child is not entirely successful as long he tried hard.5. Use logical and natural consequences - Misbehaving children so often not benefit from punishment. Research after research has proved the fact punishment leads to inertial. Instead parents must allow children to experience reality's lessons through the use of logical and natural consequences.6. Continue learning- Parents must become life learner themselves to be effective as parents. New parental skills may not work at first, but one needs to be patient and rework the skill repeatedly and parents may find one day these skills once being mastered, it becomes very effective in dealing with children. Parents must turn to learning mindset instead of mere relying on conventional wisdom in dealing with kids

How one to become a parent?

I created hundred questions to stimulate my mind. This is one of those. Where do we learn to become parents? Although so few places to learn as parents, yet it's one the most important roles for anyone in the world. The implication is so great that it could derail one's confidence in him/herself. S/he could be top dogs cum big shots in work places or well known dudes that draw envies but very likely still fail easily as parents. So how difficult to become "successful" parents? It's a lot more arduous than you thought, in fact hundred times more arduous. We couldn't take classes or courses to learn to be "successful" parents. Even you tried your best and you could end up feeling like a failure. I often take Gibran's "the Prophet" as the beacon to my parental philosophy which I like to share with you --Your children are not your children.-They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.-They come through you but not from you,-And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.-You may give them your love but not your thoughts.-For they have their own thoughts.-You may house their bodies but not their souls,-For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.-You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.-For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.-You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.-The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that -His arrows may go swift and far.-Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;-For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Nelson Mandela

Been married for 17 years. My wife and I were talking about our first trips to Shanghai back in early 90's. The conversation led to one of the highlights of my life which must be counted among very top on my list. I was taking a lift to the top floor for breakfast in Kam Kong Hotel, which was one of the top hotels back then. It was like a dream when I met Nelson Mandela inside the lift whose smile and huge physique has impressed me since then. I never felt more at awe standing side by side with one of the greatest men in the world. He nodded and I addressed "Mr. Mandela, good morning". We shook hands as I were a VIP. I couldn't help but noticed his huge hand that completely dwarfed mine. The sensation derived from that encounter has stayed and imprinted in my memory as my greatest moment. One thing that I regretted is I didn't get his autograph or picture with him. I'll trade almost everything I own to relive that moment again. What a great memory!